DEAR DEIDRE: IT’S ridiculous, but I deliberately go for men who are unavailable.

If a new male recruit joins our team at work and I find out he’s married, I’ll make a play for him.

I’m a woman of 45 and know I’m getting a name for myself, but these are the guys that interest me.

My dad left Mum when I was seven. He didn’t keep in contact, which upset me as I grew older. I felt abandoned by him.

I chase men and obsess over them, but don’t trust them, so I find a reason to end the relationship.

The last one I dated was lovely.

He’s 48 and had never been married, but I ended it because his house was a mess. If I’m honest, it was a little untidy.

He didn’t deserve that. Maybe I’m the problem.

READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE

LEADING HER ON

I think about gay porn when having sex with my girlfriend - do I tell her?

DEIDRE'S STORIES

Daisy visits the doctor

DEIDRE SAYS: You are an expert at sabotaging your relationships because you fear abandonment again.

You have doubts around commitment because of your parents’ history and the way your dad abandoned you, so unavailable men feel safer.

If dating goes somewhere, you call time on it so that you remain in control.

You need validation to feel that you are worthy of being loved, so having sex with somebody gives that affirmation.

But sex and love are two different things.

Rather than seeking flings with men who are out of reach, look for a connection first.

Make sure they are available and want a relationship before having sex. My support pack, Finding The Right Partner, explains more.