YOU get one shot, one opportunity, said Eminem.
Sadly for the Genesis delivery driver, he flunked his.
He was so keen to show me the GV70 driving itself to my front door, he forgot to check one crucial thing.
Does it work going up a hill?
Answer: No.
Not a good first impression.
Unless you live in the Norfolk Broads or Lincolnshire or Pendine Sands, the “smart remote-parking” on your key fob may or may not work because the rest of Britain is quite hilly.
And let’s be honest, are you ever really going to use it?
Are you going to stand in the middle of Waitrose car park in the pouring rain while your car thinks about reversing itself out of a tight spot?
Er, no again.
It doesn’t get any better when you jump in to drive it yourself.
Every time I tried to do a cheeky three-point turn, I ended up zooming in on the map or switching to another radio station.
That’s because the two rotary controllers on the centre console are the wrong way round — and look too similar.
The R N D switch should be positioned up top where the gearstick would normally be. But it isn’t. It’s at the bottom, near your elbow. And I haven’t got the limbs of a small child.
The air con is just as confusing. There are dials to turn the temperature up and down — we like that — but you can only adjust the fan speed via the touchscreen. Keh?
And do we really need a “favourites” button within a palm’s width of another one on the steering wheel? Or a “welcome jingle” that sounds like a fruit machine when you put £1 in it. Or 3D images of other traffic in the head-up display when we can see them through the windscreen?
Overkill.
I’m not even done yet. Automatic lane change — activated by flicking the indicator when the smart cruise-control is on.
Some Mercs also have this function but it is useless because you are not allowed by law to take your hands off the steering wheel.
I reckon the Genesis PR guy reading this hates me right now. His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy.
But he’ll be relieved to know we’re coming to the good stuff.
Pointless tech and odd controls aside, the GV70 cabin is a lovely place to be.
Excellent, even. Quiet, comfortable, classy, safe, spacious, and you’ll want for nothing. Apart from a little less red.
It has the familiarity of a Hyundai combined with the luxury of a British Airways lounge. Which is exactly what it is supposed to be like. Genesis is the posh arm of Hyundai.
It won’t worry Volvo or the Germans but it fills the gap in between.
And you’ll never have to bother with the hassle of servicing or repairs because a Genesis Personal Assistant will collect your car, and leave you a like-for-like courtesy car, at your convenience. And at no extra cost.
GENESIS only arrived in Europe in May and has promised NINE models in a year.
We’ve already tried the big GV80, G80 saloon and GV70, left, and next up is the G70 saloon.
Also confirmed is a G70 Shooting Brake, an electricified G80 and the all-electric GV60, which has the same underpants as the Hyundai Ioniq 5.
Fancy a test drive? Genesis will bring the car to your door. Fancy trying another one? They’ll bring that too. There are no dealerships. You order online and pricing is fixed.
The big question is: Will Genesis still be here in five years’ time or exit stage left like Infiniti? It will be interesting to find out.
Right, next question: Does it go well?
The two big chimneys at the back tell you that. Yes, it’s fast. Not Porsche Macan-fast but fast enough to beat a Golf GTI in a race to 62mph. And you’ll easily win a game of “beat the satnav”.
I tried the 2.5-litre petrol with 304 horses, all-wheel drive and eight-speed auto and I preferred it to the bigger GV80. It’s easier to live with, although neither soak up our broken roads as well as they should. And I only averaged 20mpg.
Which brings me nicely to the GV70 diesel. Yup, diesel. It goes farther, obviously, is better for towing, and is a little cheaper at £39,450.
Eminen lyrics, praise for diesel and a dislike for tech that nobody needs or asked for, I must be getting old. Nice car, though.
GENESIS GV70
Price: £41,000
Engine: 2.5-litre turbo petrol
Power: 304hp, 422Nm
0-62mph: 6.1 secs
Top speed: 149mph
Economy: 30mpg
CO2: 216g/km
Out: Now
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