Sun man Colin defends his name after Sheridan Smith brands it boring

ACTRESS Sheridan Smith angered the nation’s Colins when she hinted the name was too lame for the baby boy she has on the way.
She said: “We thought about naming him after my dad but he was called Colin."
"Much as I miss him and love him . . . Storm, River, Colin – you never know.”
Here, The Sun’s very own resident Colin defends his much-maligned moniker.
THERE was a time in the Eighties when I couldn’t look at a packet of KP Skips without wanting to cover my head with the hood of my Diadora shellsuit top and set fire to myself.
The reason? Clumsy F***ing Colin, the oh-so-clever creation of the cretins in KP’s marketing department, presumably aimed at enhancing the appeal of the “fizzy” prawn-cocktail snack.
He was a gold-plated, certifiable buffoon, apparently dressed in skintight leopard-print leggings, who rode around on a moped smashing into things. Because he was clumsy, you see. Haha!
How this two-wheeled terrorist helped to improve the brand value of Skips we will probably never know. But as Skips soared in popularity, so the name Colin plunged to new depths of hilarity.
“Oh look it’s Clumsy Coooooliiiiiin,” droned every older kid at school upon seeing me . . . just before I punched them to the ground (in my head).
I wished I didn’t have 1984’s 64th-most popular name, which allegedly derives from a shortened French version of Nicholas. I wished I was called James. Or Andrew. I’d even have taken Ebenezer, as I briefly did playing Scrooge in Deer Park Primary’s take on A Christmas Carol.
But one day, Skips got bored of Colin and ditched him. Then everyone else got bored too. Then Colin Jackson came hurdling into view, winning world titles and Olympic medals, and the name had a brief purple patch.
Until Colin Hunt came along — the “office joker” from The Fast Show who drove everyone he met to suicidal thoughts with his tediously energetic banter, like putting on a glow-in-the-dark condom and doing the “helicopter” (look it up). So Colin was in the doldrums again.
It was years before we caught a break. And no, we don’t count former US Secretary of State Colin Powell, who insisted on saying it “Coe-lin”. Traitor!
It took a 1995 BBC drama to change the game. I am talking, of course, about “that scene” with Colin Firth as Mr Darcy emerging from a lake in Pride And Prejudice. Now Colin was hot. Colin was cool.
Then Colin Farrell came along — again on the BBC, this time in Ballykissangel. And then Colin Salmon. And then Colin Morgan.
Cool Colin was suddenly everywhere. And then came Sheridan Smith.
Ms Smith doesn’t like Colin — her dad’s name — because it’s too dull. She’d rather call her son something trendy . . . like Storm or River.
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What about Hurricane? Or Snowbomb? Or Drizzle? Or Sleet? None of them will see the poor lad getting bogwashed at all.
Sorry . . . what’s that sound? Is it a waterfall? A monsoon?
Oh no . . . FLUSH!
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